party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
