Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My ATM looks so different sober.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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