hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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