So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
