I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
