Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
