you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
