btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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