She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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