Cold hands, warm shart.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
