You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
