well I can't set my house on fire every night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
