2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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