I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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