Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
