you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
