can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
