he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize