dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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