I am puke
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
