Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
