can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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