i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How does it feel to date your dad?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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