hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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