I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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