She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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