I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
