So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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