you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
