my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize