I just cut my nipple shaving
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
