so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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