did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
