I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
