So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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