we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
