i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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