I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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