I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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