Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
