:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm really busy with my period
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