Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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