Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
