Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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