I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
