i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
