it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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