you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
