Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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