Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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