I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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