just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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