She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
