So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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