I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
