Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize