Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
