so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
