I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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