I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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