My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i think i just lost a toe
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
