so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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